Which Conversations Changed Your Life?

The term "life review" doesn't always mean much to people, and even when it does it is often seen as a very "technical" process with a fixed structure. The stereotype is that is is something that "older people do" when they retire and ponder how to "keep themselves busy".

I think quite differently, to say the least. Looking and reflecting back on our lives is a powerful process at any age that can give us a sense of connection, meaning and pride in what we have been and done.

When we look back over the arc of our lives, we often remember events, decisions, and turning points. Yet very often, at the heart of those turning points, there was a conversation. Sometimes it was a brief exchange. Sometimes it unfolded over hours or days. Sometimes it was spoken aloud-and sometimes it was never fully spoken at all.

A conversation of importance is not defined by its length, its drama, or even by how conscious we were of its significance at the time. Often, we only realize much later that something essential shifted in us through a few words, a question, a silence, or a moment of being seen-or not seen.

When we reflect on such conversations, we can learn a great deal about who we were at that moment in life: What mattered to us. What we were longing for or afraid of. How we listened—or didn’t.How we responded, acted, or chose afterward.

Some conversations shape our sense of self. Others redirect our path. Some awaken courage, others bring disappointment, loss, or clarity. And some conversations stay with us because they opened a door that could never again be fully closed.

For example, one might recall a conversation in childhood-perhaps in school-where rivalry, affection, or rejection suddenly made something real about relationships or identity. Another might remember a conversation in early adulthood that shifted a professional direction or life trajectory. And some of the most powerful conversations happen at the edge of life itself: a final exchange with a parent, a loved one, or even a wordless moment that carried more meaning than any sentence could hold.

It is also important to say: not all meaningful conversations were “successful” or satisfying. Some were painful. Some were unfinished. Some were conversations we wish had gone differently. Yet even these can carry deep significance in shaping who we became.

We need not look for the most dramatic story, nor for a “right” kind of conversation. We are simply inviting memory to surface. We are listening for moments where something inside us shifted - where meaning was formed, questioned, or transformed. In my doctoral research on children of Holocuast survivors I found quite often that what was missing was "the conversation" that would allow them to ask and learn more about the painful and tragic experiences of their parents. I have also heard from clients who will never forget conversations that changed their life for the good: someone's presence when they were in a difficult time, praise and appreciation for an act or achievement they performed, or a phone call from a dear friend after many years of lost contact.

I can remember vividly conversations that changed my life- at times for ever- a break up, a parting, or an exasperating meeting with an insensitive boss. I can also remember conversations that even before a word was said my heart pumped rapidly and a smile came to my face that lit up the whole room.

As you reflect, you might ask yourself gently:

• Which conversation do I still remember clearly- and why?

• What was at stake for me in that moment?

• Who was I before that conversation, and who was I after?

• What did it awaken, confirm, or challenge in me?

Let's begin with the simple question: Which conversations changed your life?